Fall is coming (autumn – for the English brothers).
We should all welcome it.
Inhale the approaching cool breeze and open wide our front doors to the marching league of germs coming our way, singing patriotic songs, hungry for a feast, grinning confidently with corroded teeth, burst capillaries in the eyes, green goo and all.
What fun fall is!
With the foliage in its auburn tones.
With the apricot skies after six o’clock.
With the new rhinovirus immigrants waving their pre-approved six-month visas allowing them to reside legally in our homes.
Just thinking about fall makes me roll on the floor in hysterics.
My kids are starting school and the viruses will start arriving home soon!
What glorious times to look forward to.
Red, blocked noses, waking up in the middle of the night, throwing up the medicine, this is way too much to ask.
And I’m about to have another newborn – isn’t that kicking-in-the-crotch fantastic!
I can hardly wait for either my kids, my husband, or – even more exciting – a relative to come cough in my face and throw that stubborn virus on me!
If only they gave awards or something.
Who’d get the virus first!
Race for it, fellas!
People, infest thyselves!
Get close and cosy and start that wild relay race of “pass the germ”.
Sneeze in my face, if possible there, right between my eyes!
And fall viruses isn’t the whole lot.
No, no, no.
Colds in fall are just a preparatory phase.
The real thing – high fevers, swollen tonsils, and a slimy list of other symptoms – starts a month before Christmas.
That’s when everyone in the family is hit so badly that each member is a walking microbe, not necessarily of the same group, but certainly sharing the same surname.
Everyone coughs, sneezes,sniffs, throws up, and whines.
All the time.
One at a time.
Always after you’ve just cleaned up and disinfected.
Last year I kept disinfecting every door knob, lamp switch, and surface I could see, think of, and reach, three times daily for a few months.
This was besides the daily drugging with antibiotics and cough syrups we had to endure.
Everyone walked with surgical masks especially because we had a newborn baby at the peak of virus immigration.
I breastfed the poor creature wearing a surgical mask.
Ah, good old times.
I’m so looking forward to a similar situation with this third newborn that’s coming in a couple of months.
What glorious moments these would be.
Strangely, I never remember
anyone ever getting a cold on Christmas.
Suddenly everyone is healthy and annoyingly chirpy.
Maybe even the viruses celebrate…the Birth of Influenza.
And when the last crumb of Christmas pudding has been sucked out of our fingers, the avalanche of diseases returns with a vengeance.
A cold is harmless when you can afford to treat it.
But even a scratch can be fateful, if you can’t.
The thought of those who die of preventable diseases makes it unforgivable if I ever complain about a silly, seasonal cold.
This babble, inspired by my mom’s sneeze earlier today, is, really, just to cheer parents, like me and my husband, who will go through the seasonal colds madness this fall and coming winter.
It’ll be messy – as always.
But we’ll be ok.